Why Sex? My Journey as a Sexuality Educator

I am often asked, when people find out what I do for a living, how I started in the field of sexuality and why I chose to do this. I always say I did not choose this, it chose me. My journey to being a sexuality educator has been a long and interesting one. I remember being the person in high school who’s friends came to with questions about sex and knowing the answers. I don’t know how I knew. I just did. My comfort with sexuality issues has been an asset in my life for many different reasons.

As an undergraduate student at the University of Cincinnati, two amazing things happened to me. First, I got a job at Planned Parenthood. While my job was working in security, dealing with the anti-choice protestors, I was lucky enough to have the Director of Education as my boss. She was and still is a well known sexuality educator and became an important mentor and close friend to me.

The second thing that happened was that I took a Human Sexuality course at the University of Cincinnati that was taught by a man named Dr. Robert Hatfield. By the end of the second class I knew I wanted to be one of his teaching assistants. I was incredibly lucky to be chosen after a strict screening process and was a teaching assistant for Bob’s class for almost three years.    Bob also became an important mentor and very close friend and continued to give me guidance and teach me until his death in July of 2006.

Bob is the person who told me about the Graduate Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Pennsylvania. So I applied, was accepted and promptly packed my bags and moved to Philadelphia.  I received my Masters Degree in Human Sexuality Education from the University of Pennsylvania in 2000 and shortly after Penn terminated the program.  Luckily, Widener University, another local university, picked up our program and I was able to continue my studies there where I am currently working on my dissertation for my Doctorate in Human Sexuality Education.

An interesting thing about sexuality is that it is something that can be studied from many different perspectives.  There is the biological, psychological, sociological and anthropological. You can look at the Chemistry involved in the brain function during sexual activity or when a person is in love. Examining the ways people get their messages about sexuality is important as well.

Over the years, I have seen what sexual ignorance and being uncomfortable with our own sexuality can do to people. It certainly contributes to unplanned pregnancy as people fail to use birth control, the spread of HIV and sexually transmitted disease as people fail to get tested, use condoms and protect themselves. But there are deeper issues involved. The lack of people learning to relate to each other on an intimate basis, the lack of pleasure in sex as people fail to get all they can from their experience or make bad or inappropriate choices.   Guilt and shame people feel about sex causes a multitude of problems. Sexual dysfunction, as a result of a medical problem or caused by psychological issues impacts sexuality, self esteem and relationships.  

I have also been privileged to see a lot of positive aspects of sexuality. Seeing people truly relate to each other and having their relationship enhanced by a wonderful, healthy sex life is a great thing.

When people tell me their story, share their journey with me and ask for my help, I see it as a privilege.  Letting someone else in to what most consider being a private aspect of their lives is not something everyone finds easy.

It is from a genuine caring and concern and desire to help people reach their full romantic and sexual potential that I continue to be a sexuality educator and consultant. I believe that it is only through education that people will shake off their notions as sex as dirty or sinful or something not to be enjoyed and begin to see sex and sexuality as a natural part of life and that we are all deserving of the pleasures and benefits it affords us.