Want a sex toy you can both use?
September 21, 2009
Sex doctor: Toys you can both enjoy
Mention sex toys and our minds instantly flick to a hand reaching furtively for the bedroom drawer on a lonely night in alone. But sex toys are a lot more couple-friendly than they've ever been, and one of the quickest ways to introduce novelty in your sex life is to invite a nice, new, shiny plaything into it. This is one threesome I heartily approve of: you, your partner and a sex toy. (Or three.)
Firstly, sex toys are fun. Secondly, if it vibrates then she's instantly light years ahead in the probability-of-an-orgasm race.
There's an alarming array of goods out there, so, to help you along, here is a selection of sex toys that work.
If you're a heterosexual couple and you make only one purchase, it has to be a vibrator, simply because they remain the easiest, most effective way to bring women to orgasm. The clitoris loves consistent, intense stimulation and nothing provides that more efficiently than a vibrator. What to choose? There's everything from a rubber duck to something that looks like it should be in a cage. The most versatile in terms of size and all-round use is probably what's called a "classic" or "torpedo" vibe. It's a compact, cylindrical vibrator that you hold against the clitoris while he's using his fingers or during intercourse. It's non-threatening for him because it's not big or sculpted to look like a penis and it's small enough not to feel too intrusive.
Bullet vibes look like large tampons, are often made of metal and sit snugly between the vaginal lips, providing strong clitoral stimulation. These are very couple friendly: perfect for caressing nipples, around the rim of your bottom anywhere you fancy a bit of a buzz really. Add perfect portability, sleek and sexy designs and you'll understand why they've shot to the top of the bestseller list. Also ingenious are butterfly vibrators with harnesses. A small vibrator nestles inside a jelly butterfly-shaped sleeve. This is positioned on top of her clitoris, the straps then go around both her legs to hold it in place. Turn it on and the butterfly wings flutter over her most sensitive part. The main advantage is that it's hands-free so you can leave it in place during intercourse.
Another more recent "intercourse" vibrator is one that's designed to be worn both internally and externally during intercourse, upping her chances of penetrative orgasm dramatically. The appropriately named We-Vibe is small and C-shaped about three inches long and one inch wide. You turn it on, insert one end up to the bend and, because it's flexible, the whole thing then opens to an "L" shape. The larger clitoral pad sits against the labia and against the clitoris, the other end works on the G-spot. It flattens out so smoothly, he can't feel it during sex but he does feel the powerful vibrations. (It costs around 75 and is available exclusively through www.lovehoney.co.uk.)
Vibrating penis rings are also a great idea. They're penis rings usually rubber with little vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation. I was unconvinced when I first saw them. The reason why? If you use traditional in-out thrusting, the vibrator doesn't maintain contact with the clitoris for long enough to be effective. Use a grinding, circular motion, however, with him keeping his pelvis pressed close against hers during intercourse, and you may get a very pleasant surprise. I've got one in my range (www.traceycoxshop.co.uk).
What else to add to the shopping basket? Throw in some pelvic floor toners. The more toned her vaginal muscles, the better sex will be for both of you, since she's able to grip his penis tighter. Most of them resemble tiny barbells that work on weight resistance. She rhythmically squeezes the muscles, doing sets of Kegel exercises on a repetitive basis. You can do Kegels without the gadgets but having something to grip on to, means you're more likely to be doing the exercises correctly. Highly recommended after childbirth but handy for anyone who wants to keep all of them in shape.
Given that the rectum is rich in nerve endings, the braver among you might like to venture into anal toys. Anal vibrators are squatter than usual, with a flared base. They can be used on both men and women in a variety of ways, during oral sex or left in during intercourse. Soft and jelly-like, "butt plugs" stay in better, though they don't vibrate.
While I wouldn't recommend buying "dress up clothes" from sex shops for role-play (they're usually badly made and overpriced), you could throw in a few props. Whips and riding crops aren't half as threatening as they sound and spanking is a safe but sexy way to "kink" things up without feeling like complete deviants. That soft rubber whip swishes through the air making a menacing sound but lands with a whisper-soft touch. All talk and no action which can be exactly what you want for role-play.
Tracey Cox is author of 'The Sex Doctor' (Corgi, 7.99).
