10 reasons he may not ask you out again

By Phil Dotree

(The Frisky) — Guys can be fickle, or, as the French say, "huge jerks who don’t call women back." Sometimes, though, we’ve got a pretty valid excuse for not picking up the phone. Here are 10 reasons why men might not call you back for that second date.

Columnist advises staying off your phone and cooling it with texting if you want a second date.

 1. We’re shy/intimidated. Some guys just get intimidated, or we’re too shy to ask for a second date. Make sure you get his number, and call the dude up to scope things out.

You’ll know if he’s intimidated in the first 10 seconds of the call when he either claims the phone is on fire and hangs up or he nervously vomits into the receiver.

2. You didn’t offer to pay. Most men have no problem paying for their dates. We’re gentlemen at heart, or at least we like to think so. Still, we like it when our dates at least offer to cover their share.

If our date seems to be taking advantage of a free dinner, that second date isn’t going to happen.

3. There’s no physical attraction. This one isn’t that likely, since he probably asked you out on the first date. If it was a blind date or if you changed some key part of your appearance (you dyed your hair pink and lost/gained 150 pounds) before the date, it can certainly throw things off.

4. Talking too much about yourself. Don’t confuse confidence with vanity — if you’re going on and on about yourself, we’re not coming back for seconds. Be sure to keep the conversation two-sided, and keep some mystery alive by not jamming your biography into an hour-long dinner.

5. Talking about ex-boyfriends. Don’t bring up your ex on a first date, especially to tell us how you’re still excellent friends. We hear, "I’m still into this dude, but yeah, you’re, uh, pretty OK."

6. Cell phone shenanigans. If you’re on the phone constantly during a first date, we’re not going to be on the other end of the line later on. This applies to texting, too; in fact, texting seems even ruder.

7. Vulgarity. Guys like a girl who can be as vulgar as their guy friends, but don’t trot out your award-winning burps or four-letter fiestas until at least the second or third date.

8. Blatant pre-date lies. This one’s common with the internet dating crowd. Don’t tell lies about yourself before the date kicks off. Don’t say that you’re a rich hand model who enjoys Russian literature (note: I have actually been told this). Unless, of course, you actually are any of those things (she was not).

9. You missed his signals. Some guys have trouble making a move, and if you shrugged off his arm on your shoulder because you were hot or leaned away from a kiss because you heard your neighbors going through your trash, he might be feeling rejected.

Call him to set things straight. While you’re at it, call the cops on your creepy neighbors.

10. He met someone else. If it was just a first date, an old relationship might have flared up or the guy might have met someone that he’d rather date. He doesn’t feel an obligation to call you and say anything since, well, it was a first date.

Don’t hold it against him, but don’t wait around either. If you don’t get a call within about a week of the first date, forget about it and move on

The two kinds of single women

(The Frisky) — In January, I left a live-in relationship after three years. The experience was all the sad adjectives you can imagine. But after the sobbing spells and the heavy drinking, the fog lifted — I was finally single again for the first time since after I graduated college.

Newly single woman finds out there are two kids of single females.

Naturally, I expected my single friends to react with equal doses of giddy glee. For the record, I’m not the kind of girl who ditches my ladies when I’m dating someone. But lots of time does free up when you become single.

As for my coupled-up chums, I expected sad stares. They probably thought I was doomed for spinsterhood after leaving my longest relationship at age 27.

"But don’t you want to get married and have kids?" I imagined them asking. When I’d respond, "Not right now," they’d ignore me and say, "I know someone who’d be perfect for you!"

But that didn’t happen. My taken gals were as supportive as my sturdiest Victoria’s Secret bra.

"I don’t worry about you," my best friend, who is getting hitched next summer, affirmed.

"You’ll be fine, alone or with someone."

I wiped my brow — my attached amigas didn’t consider my newfound singleness a contagious disease! So obviously, I thought the single ones would feel the same. The Frisky: All my friends are getting married — I’m not even close

That’s when I learned that there are two kinds of single girl. The first kind is independent Unfortunately, some of my single friends fell into that second category.

At a bar one night, a guy gave me his digits. I wasn’t that interested, but took them anyway. My friend said, "You better call him, because in a few years, no one will be giving you their numbers anymore."

Ouch. What did that mean?

Another single friend told me she’d feel "defeated" if she were me. Ouch again. Did I suck at life because I’d decided I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person? The Frisky: Why I’m happy to be single (for now)

A few weeks later, another pal, totally unprompted, said, "You should get on Match.com. Just to have more options."

"Umm, thanks, but I haven’t been single that long," I replied, taking a mighty swig of beer. The Frisky: How to go to a bar alone

"Well, it’s just that the pool gets smaller as you get older," she said. What the hell?

Being in a vulnerable post-breakup state, for a while I let these comments sting. But almost six months later, I’ve learned to ignore them because they don’t apply to me — they apply to the people saying them. Misery does indeed love company.

Now I’m happy to say I’m spending my time with family and happy friends, traveling and just being me. You know what I’m not doing? Stressing about being alone. I’m not that kind of single girl. The Frisky: 20 things every woman should do before she gets married

Tips for singles:

1. Don’t take things bitter friends say to heart. They’re projecting — putting their insecurities on you.

2. Don’t chat with negative friends about your love life (or lack there of).

3. Don’t feel forced to date because your friends are.

4. Do go out with supportive friends of all relationship statuses.

5. Do enjoy you. That’s the only person you’ll definitely be with forever.

Five reasons he dumped you — true or false?

(The Frisky) — I have a little problem. I tend to obsess over why a guy suddenly pulls "the fade" or ends things just as they’re, seemingly, getting good. It’s one thing if the guy simply is not interested in pursuing anything further because of a lack of attraction, but what about the guy who does think I’m hot, awesome, and funny? (He did, didn’t he?) Where the heck does he go and why?

According to a guy writer for Cosmopolitan, there are five reasons why guys dump women they’re "into."

I got a guy friend, whose opinion I trust, to give me his thoughts on each of them, lest I take them all incredibly seriously.

1. The timing is off

"Women get serious when they meet the right man. Men get serious with whomever we happen to be dating when we’re finally ready to settle down."

I have this theory that men eventually settle down with the woman who happens to be around at the right time, not the right woman. I could be Angelina Jolie, but if the timing is off by even one month, he’s not going to be my Brad Pitt.

GUY FRIEND: Wrong, this is just not true. It’s like, really? You know you’ve found a great girl, but you’re going to ACTIVELY BREAK IT OFF because you’re kind of worried she’s jumping the gun? No. You didn’t like her enough to marry her. Deal with it. The Frisky: Four reasons you’ll never get dumped

VERDICT: False.

2. He’s not finished playing the field

"Men are natural-born one-uppers. If there’s a possibility of upgrading what we already have for something better (that’ll make our friends drool), we say, bring it on! So we wind up always wondering if you’re really as good as it gets."

If this is true, holy depressing.

GUY FRIEND: To a certain degree this is true. But I feel like that train of thought only happens when you’re already doubting if what you have is what you want. Also worth keeping in mind: the only way to appreciate what you have is to consider it against what you don’t. The Frisky: How not to react when you get dumped

VERDICT: True-ish

3. He’s fixated on the worst case scenario

"From the times you chastise us for leaving a wet towel on the bed to those nights you rip through a pint of fudge ripple without stopping to breathe, we file each incident in a mental folder labeled ‘Evidence She’ll Change for the Worse.’"

Which apparently means that you might get fat, not want to have sex, and get all naggy.

GUY FRIEND: I could be wrong — I’m just one man — but in the litany of things I’ve heard friends use as an excuse not to like a woman, never has, "She’s probably going to be fat and naggy in 20 years" come up. I don’t blame women for thinking guys are idiots when this is what gets printed in stories. The Frisky: Worst breakup lines ever

VERDICT: False

4. He’s in like, not in love

"Just because a guy likes you a lot isn’t a guarantee that it will evolve into love. And we’re surprisingly intuitive when it comes to figuring out a girl’s potential on this front."

GUY FRIEND: Probably the most "real" excuse there. Sometimes it just plays out that a woman you’re with doesn’t light the fire anymore. I’m sure it’s happened to women with guys, too. And you spend a lot of time making sure that’s true. That you’re not imagining something. And when you come to the realization that the relationship is not something you want to settle for, you try to find your way out.

VERDICT: True

5. He’s too into you

"Guys are protective of their emotions. Translation: We’re scared spitless of being hurt. So, if we start to feel like we’re getting into a situation where we’ll be destroyed if you dump us, we might launch a preemptive strike and yank the plug first."

OMG I could so totally buy into this. Should I?! Should I?!

GUY FRIEND: Just stop. Apparently from this piece, at any point a guy could leave you for: not loving you, not loving enough right now, not loving you in the hypothetical future, wanting to love other people, and loving you too much. This last one is the most inane. Stupid. Completely, utterly stupid.

VERDICT: False

So, according to this friend of mine, chances are these are probably not the reasons why that dude you thought you had a connection with is suddenly dumping you. Chances are you won’t ever know or understand his reasoning, and as I am trying to learn myself, maybe it shouldn’t matter. Because why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

The worst breakup lines ever

(The Frisky) — Nowhere is the difference between men and women so glaring as when it comes down to the demise of a relationship. Specifically, the unexpected, unwanted, one-sided break-up otherwise known as the dumping.

When you’ve been dumped like yesterday’s trash, why do some guys deliver one more parting shot.

A dumped dude might get angry. Then again, he might just get depressed and mope quietly in his room. He may go to a strip club or pick up a one-night-stand at a bar.

What he won’t do is call up all his buddies and poll them about what they think his ex really meant when she quit returning his calls.

Nor will he tearfully declare that said ex must have been either too intimidated by his devastating intellect and/or simply too in love with him.

Now granted, maybe men don’t wonder so much because we ladies are more up-front when it comes to breaking hearts. After all, when was the last time you heard of a chick acting like a jerk so he’d break up with her? (See No.3 below.)

The fact is, though they somehow got the reputation as the stronger sex, men tend to be giant wusses when it comes down to ending relationships. So many seem to think pulling a disappearing act is an appropriate breakup protocol.

I understand that a crying and/or screaming girlfriend can be a scary thing, but when you think your relationship is going great and the guy just stops returning your phone calls and texts, it’s confusing and depressing. Oh, and highly annoying.

I was all harrumph-y about the injustice of the disappearing act until I began surveying women about the most painful breakup lines they’d had the bad luck to receive.

1) "You’re amazing, but I’m just not ready to be in a relationship right now."

This actually wouldn’t have been so bad had he not moved in with his new girlfriend two months later. The Frisky: 4 reasons you’ll never get dumped

2) "We can’t move in together because my mom won’t approve."

Though this is highly lame, I believe this lady dodged a bullet. God only knows what else mommy wouldn’t approve of.

3) "Yes, I am going to continue acting this way until you break up with me."

This gets props only because the guy was brave (or stupid) enough to cop to his behavior. The Frisky: How not to react when you get dumped

4) "I’ve never been a lady magnet and now it’s being thrown in my face constantly. I figure I’ve got about of year of this luck so I’d better enjoy it."

Again, brave or stupid — thin line.

5) "I said ‘I love you’ too soon so now we’re tainted because I can’t move that fast."

Word from the wise: dude, nobody believes it when you say you "I love you" for the first time during sex. Relax. The Frisky: Don’t say I love you too soon

6) "I’m going to grad school and they might send me to Antarctica."

I guess if you’re going to lie, lie big, but still.

7) "I’m getting married"/ "I’m seeing someone else."

This one I heard from many different ladies and many different times I wished I could reach back in time to deliver a hard slap on these women’s behalf.

"If you boil fish in a coffee pot, every coffee you make afterwards will always taste like fish."

Translation: I have taken more psychedelic drugs than Timothy Leary, the Grateful Dead and Syd Barrett combined. The Frisky: How to translate 8 dating lines

9) "I need to be with someone more attractive."

Here’s a brilliant idea — if you’re not attracted to her, don’t do her any favors by dating her in the first place! Oh, and you’re a jerk! (Sorry — this story is making me mad!)

On second thought — perhaps the disappearing act isn’t so bad.

How 10 women met their last boyfriend

(The Frisky) — When you’re single, meeting eligible men can be kind of frustrating. Yes, you can go to bars, try online dating, or stalk pet-owners at the dog park, but if you tried your usual tricks and now feel like you’ve depleted your options, have no fear!

Finding "the one" can be hard. Check out acting classes, baseball games and wrestling events for your next guy.

 We asked 10 women in cities across the country how they met their last boyfriend (and what they did on their first date together) to give you a few new ideas.

It looks like we’ll be signing up for acting classes, going to a few baseball games, and watching live wrestling events!

New York

"I met my husband at a Halloween party in New York. The party was crowded, and I needed to visit the bathroom but worried it would take so long that he’d think I was blowing him off and leave, so I asked him to hold my gloves while I was gone.

Sure enough, when I got back he said, ‘You were gone so long I would have left if I wasn’t holding your gloves!’" –Nancy Lichtenstein

Dallas, Texas

"I met the last guy I dated at the State Fair of Texas while standing in line to buy a corn dog. It was an extremely hot Texas day, and the line was unbelievably long. He saw that I was not taking the heat very well and offered to stand in line for me.

I politely turned the offer down and ended up chatting with him. Once we purchased our corn dogs, we exchanged numbers. Our first date was a return trip to the State Fair of Texas, in the evening, of course, and we enjoyed another round of corn dogs, which he gladly stood in line for." –Kaye Joseph

Cleveland, Ohio

"I met the last guy I dated sitting in a stadium watching the Cleveland Indians play baseball. I went to the game with some friends, and I got stuck on the end of the group next to a person I didn’t know.

Well, that person ended up talking to me more than watching the game. We exchanged numbers after the game and the rest is history. Every year for our anniversary, we go to the stadium and watch the Indians play ball." –Natalie Walker

St. Louis, Missouri

"I met Dennis at Dock Rockers, a St. Louis bar. At one point during the night, after many drinks, I decided I needed more lip gloss and went to my car. When I was out there, I overheard this woman talking on the phone trying to convince her brother to come to the bar.

I would have never done this sober, but I interrupted her and told her that I was available, and she relayed the message to him. About an hour later he arrived and we danced to ‘Love Me When I’m Gone’ by 3 Doors Down." –Wendy Maple

Boston, Massachusetts

"I’ve known the last person I’m with since junior high school. He left me a necklace and perfume on my desk in science class. I wasn’t interested. Now we’re getting married.

The most fun date we ever went on was the night we went to The Blue Man Group at the Charles Playhouse in Boston. We had a casual and tasty bite to eat at the California Pizza Kitchen. Then we walked over to the Charles, watched The Blue Man Group and laughed until our cheeks hurt, much like we did back in junior high school." –Pam Gaulin

Chicago, Illinois

"I met my last date at a football game, and I don’t even like sports. I was invited to Chicago’s Football Classic because my employer was a sponsor. Walking inside the stadium after the Battle of the Bands at Soldier Field, I saw him performing onstage.

One interview later, and we were a couple. The last date we went on was to the Chicago Defender Newsmaker Gala at the Hyatt Regency. He was very polite to my co-workers, and we met R&B artist Danny Boy, who performed that night." –Shamontiel L. Vaughn

Los Angeles, California

"He sat next to me in my acting class. Our instructor paired us up for a scene, so we exchanged numbers to rehearse. He kept sending me flirty texts and asked me out that weekend.

Our first date was a picnic dinner in Griffith Park and a visit to the Griffith Observatory. We had an amazing view of downtown Los Angeles and the Hollywood sign. We kissed under the stars and were surrounded by city lights. It was so romantic and felt like it was straight out of a movie." –Adrienne Tilden

Miami, Florida

"The last guy I dated I met while working in a gym in Miami Beach. He was a client, and I fell for him right away. On our first date we went to the Samurai Japanese restaurant at the Falls. We had a blast watching the chef cook. We took a walk on Miami Beach after our dinner. We have been going hot and heavy ever since." –Colleen Starr

New Orleans, Louisiana

"I was at Café Beignet in the French Quarter, and he was standing in line in front of me. I mentioned how lucky we were to get away from the crowds on Bourbon Street, and he joked that he was doing the same. We hit it off right away!

Our first date was pretty casual. We went to the Jazz Parlor at Storyville for a jazz and blues concert. It was a great way to get to know each other, and the music hall wasn’t too crowded. After the concert, we had drinks at Café Brasil." –Lauren Peterson

Minneapolis, Minnesota

"I met my last date — and soon-to-be husband — while waiting in line for a wrestling event at the Target Center. We bumped shoulders as a security guard escorted him out of the arena for having a digital camera in his knapsack.

He contacted me a month later on a message forum after recognizing my face and arranged for a happier meeting. Several months later, we had our first date in the Target Center for another wrestling event, and the night would have been perfect if I hadn’t been knocked over by a cameraman.

We ended the night by sipping Diet Coke at a concession stand as I tended to my sore leg." –Ann Olson