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Are you cheating on your man? Don't be so sure you have him fooled!

October 30, 2008

Unfaithful women beware - men are on to you

By TAMARA McLEAN - AAP | Thursday, 30 October 2008

Women watch out. New research shows men are better at detecting a cheating partner than females, and they're more likely to suspect infidelities that don't exist.

 

A US study of heterosexual couples has found that men are the more suspicious of the sexes when it comes to straying, but a leading Australian sex researcher says they are only more suspecting because they are more likely to cheat.

"What we have here is a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black," said Sydney therapist Dr Rosie King.

Researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond gave confidential questionnaires to 203 young couples, asking them whether they had ever strayed, and whether they suspected or knew their partner had strayed.

The results, published in New Scientist magazine, show 29 per cent of men admitted they had cheated compared with 18.5 per cent of women.

Lead researcher Paul Andrews said the men were better at judging fidelity than women.

"Eighty per cent of women's inferences about fidelity or infidelity were correct, but men were even better, accurate 94 per cent of the time," Dr Andrews said.

Men were also more likely to catch out a cheating partner, picking up on 75 per cent of the reported infidelities compared with 41 per cent discovered by women.

Men were also more likely to suspect infidelity when there was none.

The researchers said this high level of suspicion was helpful in an evolutionary sense, because men have more at stake from a women straying.

"When a female partner is unfaithful, a man may himself lose the opportunity to reproduce, and find himself investing his resources in raising the offspring of another man," Dr Andrews told the magazine.

Dr King said she believed men had heightened suspicions simply because they were the bigger cheaters and were more aware of the temptations.

"They're getting very busy seeking outside sexual activity so they're more likely to suspect their partner is doing the same."

She said Australian research had found men were not naturally intuitive, making it "doubtful" they could detect infidelity in women.

"Men are not good at reading body language or picking up non-verbal cues in the way that women are," Dr King said.


Would you admit to cheating? The new face of infidelity

October 28, 2008

Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity

Published: October 27, 2008

If you cheated on your spouse, would you admit it to a researcher?

That question is one of the biggest challenges in the scientific study of marriage, and it helps explain why different studies produce different estimates of infidelity rates in the United States.

Surveys conducted in person are likely to underestimate the real rate of adultery, because people are reluctant to admit such behavior not just to their spouses but to anyone.

In a study published last summer in The Journal of Family Psychology, for example, researchers from the University of Colorado and Texas A&M surveyed 4,884 married women, using face-to-face interviews and anonymous computer questionnaires. In the interviews, only 1 percent of women said they had been unfaithful to their husbands in the past year; on the computer questionnaire, more than 6 percent did.

At the same time, experts say that surveys appearing in sources like women’s magazines may overstate the adultery rate, because they suffer from what pollsters call selection bias: the respondents select themselves and may be more likely to report infidelity.

But a handful of new studies suggest surprising changes in the marital landscape. Infidelity appears to be on the rise, particularly among older men and young couples. Notably, women appear to be closing the adultery gap: younger women appear to be cheating on their spouses nearly as often as men.

“If you just ask whether infidelity is going up, you don’t see really impressive changes,” said David C. Atkins, research associate professor at the University of Washington Center for the Study of Health and Risk Behaviors. “But if you magnify the picture and you start looking at specific gender and age cohorts, we do start to see some pretty significant changes.”

The most consistent data on infidelity come from the General Social Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation and based at the University of Chicago, which has used a national representative sample to track the opinions and social behaviors of Americans since 1972. The survey data show that in any given year, about 10 percent of married people — 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women — say they have had sex outside their marriage.

But detailed analysis of the data from 1991 to 2006, to be presented next month by Dr. Atkins at the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies conference in Orlando, show some surprising shifts. University of Washington researchers have found that the lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased to 28 percent in 2006, up from 20 percent in 1991. For women over 60, the increase is more striking: to 15 percent, up from 5 percent in 1991.

The researchers also see big changes in relatively new marriages. About 20 percent of men and 15 percent of women under 35 say they have ever been unfaithful, up from about 15 and 12 percent respectively.

Theories vary about why more people appear to be cheating. Among older people, a host of newer drugs and treatments are making it easier to be sexual, and in some cases unfaithful — Viagra and other remedies for erectile dysfunction, estrogen and testosterone supplements to maintain women’s sex drive and vaginal health, even advances like better hip replacements.

“They’ve got the physical health to express their sexuality into old age,” said Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers and the author of several books on the biological and evolutionary basis of love and sex.

In younger couples, the increasing availability of pornography on the Internet, which has been shown to affect sexual attitudes and perceptions of “normal” behavior, may be playing a role in rising infidelity.

But it is the apparent change in women’s fidelity that has sparked the most interest among relationship researchers. It is not entirely clear if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have just been more likely to lie about it.

“Is it that men are bragging about it and women are lying to everybody including themselves?” Dr. Fisher asked. “Men want to think women don’t cheat, and women want men to think they don’t cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other.”

Dr. Fisher notes that infidelity is common across cultures, and that in hunting and gathering societies, there is no evidence that women are any less adulterous than men. The fidelity gap may be explained more by cultural pressures than any real difference in sex drives between men and women. Men with multiple partners typically are viewed as virile, while women are considered promiscuous. And historically, women have been isolated on farms or at home with children, giving them fewer opportunities to be unfaithful.

But today, married women are more likely to spend late hours at the office and travel on business. And even for women who stay home, cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to form more intimate relationships, marriage therapists say. Dr. Frank Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist who specializes in family crisis and couples therapy, says he has noticed more women talking about affairs centered on “electronic” contact.

“I see a changing landscape in which the emphasis is less on the sex than it is on the openness and intimacy and the revelation of secrets,” said Dr. Pittman, the author of “Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy” (Norton, 1990). “Everybody talks by cellphone and the relationship evolves because you become increasingly distant from whomever you lie to, and you become increasingly close to whomever you tell the truth to.”

While infidelity rates do appear to be rising, a vast majority of people still say adultery is wrong, and most men and women do not appear to be unfaithful. Another problem with the data is that it fails to discern when respondents cheat: in a troubled time in the marriage, or at the end of a failing relationship.

“It’s certainly plausible that women might have increased their relative rate of infidelity over time,” said Edward O. Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago. “But it isn’t going to be a huge number. The real thing to talk about is where are they in terms of their relationship and the marital bond.”

The General Social Survey data also show some encouraging trends, said John P. Robinson, professor of sociology and director of the Americans’ Use of Time project at the University of Maryland. One notable shift is that couples appear to be spending slightly more time together. And married men and women also appear to have the most active sex lives, reporting sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week.

“We’ve looked at that as good news,” Dr. Robinson said.

 


Hey guys, are you coming too fast? It may be your DNA

October 27, 2008

There is a lot of information about premature ejaculation floating around out there. In my experience as a sex educator, it is not only a common problem for men but one that they have a hard time dealing with, usually due to embarrassment. The good news is premature ejaculation is a sexual dysfunction that can be treated successfully the majority of the time.  I will talk about treatment in future articles as well as different causes.  But I came across this latest research and thought I would pass it on. It is very interesting!

Premature ejaculation gene found

couple in bed

A third of men are believed to suffer from premature ejaculation

Men who suffer from premature ejaculation may be able to blame their genes, work suggests.

A study of nearly 200 Dutch men found those who climaxed too soon during intercourse had a version of a gene that controls the hormone serotonin.

Men with this version ejaculated twice as quickly as other men in the study.

Serotonin levels are what control the rapidity of ejaculation, say the Utrecht University researchers told the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Not in the mind

The volunteers in Dr Marcel Waldinger's study were 89 men who had so-called primary premature ejaculation, meaning they had always suffered from it from their first sexual contact onwards.

For a month, their female partners were asked to use a stopwatch at home to measure the time until ejaculation each time they had intercourse.

Premature ejaculation is definitely not purely psychological
Paula Hall, a sexual psychotherapist for Relate

The results were compared with 92 men with no history of such problems.

In the men with premature ejaculation, serotonin appeared to be less active between the nerves in the section of the brain that controls ejaculation.

Dr Waldinger says this low activity of the hormone means nerve signals do not transfer in the normal way in these men.

"This contradicts the idea, which has been common for years, that the primary form of premature ejaculation is a psychological disorder," he said.

Fast reactors

The findings also mean it might be possible to treat the condition with gene therapy, he said.

Paula Hall, a sexual psychotherapist for Relate, said: "Premature ejaculation is definitely not purely psychological.

"But there can be a psychological element. The acid test is how much control they have on their own. If the problem only occurs with their partner then it is more likely to be psychological."

She said men with primary premature ejaculation tended to be fast reactors generally.

"These men have very quick reflexes. They may be excellent at playing tennis or computer games, for example."

She said there was good evidence that serotonin was linked ejaculation and that researchers were developing drugs for the condition that prolong this hormone's action.

Currently there is no medication for the condition on the market.

Treatments involve counselling and the use of anti-depressants - not for depression but for their unexpected yet wanted side effect of delaying ejaculation.

A third of men are believed to suffer from premature ejaculation.

 




Verdict's in: Sex wins!

October 25, 2008

FINALLY…..someone speaks the truth and finally acknowledges that sex is a positive factor in our lives!

by TONY BEST

 

 

SEX IS GREAT for the body and mind, say experts.

And they contend that a healthy sex life improves people's feelings about themselves.

Little wonder, then, that researchers link sex to a reduction of stress and anxiety.

Dr Debra Herbenick, an oft-quoted expert from the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University, whose groundbreaking research on human sexuality is known among academics, psychologists, physicians, scientists, insists that sexual activity is good for the body and the mind. Indeed, she is a highly vocal advocate of the benefits of sex and, interestingly enough, argues that the rewards of sex can be enjoyed even without a partner.

"The health benefits," she said recently, "can be the result of partner sex or masturbation. All that is required is that a person feels good about it."

But neither Herbenick nor the Kinsey Institute is alone in advocating this.

A scientific study conducted at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Edinburgh Scotland, concluded that people who had sex four times a week felt that they were seven to 12 years younger than people who have less sex.

At Rutgers University in New Jersey, Dr Beverly Whipple, a research scientist, found that sexual activity in general, and orgasms in particular, heighten people's ability to endure pain. Scientists contend that sexual activity can reduce migraine headaches, chronic back pain and even bring relief from such things as premenstrual symptoms, cramps among them.

"Sexual excitement and orgasm, for both women and men, increase their threshold for pain. They are both less sensitive to pain and less likely to experience it," Herbenick writes.

That's not all. A study conducted in 2005 by Dr Patricia Barthalow Koch, a sex researcher from Pennsylvania State University, found that women who believed they were less attractive now than say a decade before had less and less enjoyable sex than women who still felt attractive.

 

Improved feelings

 

In effect, a healthy sex life improves people's feelings about themselves, underscoring the point that much about sex is in the mind.

Little wonder, then, that researchers link sex with a reduction of stress and anxiety.

How come? The answer lies in oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone that helps to put the mind and body at ease.

"Research shows that more sex releases higher levels of oxytocin," said the Kinsey Institute expert. "And we know that's good for decreasing stress. So, it makes sense that if you're less stressed, you'll look better."

Physicians, too, insist that the body's pelvic floor, which runs from the spine to the pubic bone, is not only the driving engine of sexual desires and as one writer put it, "contributes to arousal and the ability to have an orgasm" but also enables women to maintain more control over such basic functions as bowel and urinary movements.

"Sexual activity helps keep the tissue moist," said Herbenick. "And it prevents the vaginal canal from narrowing, which is important for (access during) gynaecological exams. So, if a woman is no longer interested in sex with a partner or a partner isn't available, masturbation is important."

There is something in this for men, too, according to the Kinsey expert.

"We don't really know why ejaculation is related to a lower risk of prostate cancer, but it is," she said. "One theory is that with regular ejaculation other toxins or substances in the prostate are picked up by the semen and taken out of the body.

"Both men and women release high levels of oxytocin during sexual activity and orgasm," Herbenick insisted. "And they release higher levels from vaginal intercourse than from masturbation or oral sex."

Stated another way, sex without a partner is fine, but sex between consenting adults has considerable medicinal value; or as Dane Demas, a writer for LifeScript put it, it "may be the most potent medicine".


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